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Holy Snapping Duck Do! I just climbed out from under my rock and realized I have not updated this since Hammertime was in the charts… You would not believe that my hands were chopped off and I was waiting for bionic ones. Whenever will they invent electricity!

I am lost in a sea of pseudo-olde-english with learning to play lawn bowls, watching Dexter, just generally being scary to society in general, my day seems to involve the authorities from the second I am woken by murderous Teletubbies to I am begging my kid to go to sleep or so help me God that kid will be decorating my wall, ‘Duct tape still life’. I am putting money aside so I can run away. but this damned rock is heavy.

I probably I will make more of an effort to blog more often until the nice men in the white coats come back. No, really! I will write more to certain yous; but it might not be you in particular who I write to.

Boredom comes from a boring mind.
– Metallica

Yep, that’s right!! For all you carnivorous people, I’m talking about meatloaf!

No not that meatloaf. I got a great meatloaf recipe. For people who don’t eat beef, substitute ground turkey or pork or any other meat-like substance for the beef.
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KICK-ASS MEATLOAF

2 eggs, lightly beaten
1/3 cup ketchup
3 tablespoons barbecue sauce
3 tablespoons steak sauce (A1, Heinz 57, etc.)
1 1/2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 large sweet onion, finely chopped
2-3 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon seasoned salt
2 pounds ground beef
1 1/3 cup dry bread crumbs
2/3 cup shredded Cheddar cheese

1. Preheat oven to 350° F (175° C). Lightly grease 2 5×9 inch loaf pans.
2. In a bowl, stir together the egg, ketchup, barbecue sauce, steak sauce, Worcestershire sauce, brown sugar, onion, and garlic, seasoned salt, and salt and pepper. Mix in ground beef, bread crumbs, and Cheddar cheese. Split mixture into 2 pieces. Spread both into each loaf pan.
3. Cover the pans with aluminum foil. Bake 50 minutes in the preheated oven, remove the foil and bake another 15-20 minutes.
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Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
– Mark Twain

So I’m thinking – create your own caption…

Now for something completely different -

You can observe a lot just by watching.
– Yogi Berra

Part 2 -

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
– Groucho Marx

Hehe…

Anyway, I wanted to take a trip to the areas of part of my ancestry. I’m a mutt. Part of me is Scottish, and part of me is Irish. Other parts are German, Cherokee Indian, a scattering of Eastern European… and a few others I haven’t been able to tack down yet.

First, I went here… Stonehenge *gets a vision of Spinal Tap*

Next, thought I’d kiss the Blarney Stone at Blarney Castle…

… then drive through Blarney itself.

Thought I’d go and see a ancient Roman relic – Hadrian’s Wall.

Finally, stop and take a look at Holyrood Palace in Edinburgh, Scotland.

Travel has no longer any charm for me. I have seen all the foreign countries I want to except heaven & hell and I have only a vague curiosity about one of those.
– Mark Twain

During a flight, you may experience sudden loss of pressure, roof flying off, jet engine exploding, terrorist bomb detonating, etc. You may need to get to the exit of the plane. If so, make sure you keep these tips in mind (if you’re not crapping your pants or having end-of-life sex with your neighboring passenger(s)):

Thank you, and have a safe trip.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

What was once innocent in the past has turned into something to snicker at, and make you go, “Huh?!?” Here’s an example of something you’d never think of Superman ever doing:

Is he actually extorting money?

Subtle fetish pornography… golden showers?

I think even back then they were letting us in on a little secret…

Uhhh… holy crap!!

In the ’60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Part 1 –

Anyone who uses the phrase “easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried taking candy from a baby.
– Robin Hood
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By the way… I have a grandson now. Step-grandson, but I love him nevertheless. Heck, I’m only 37, and here’s a pic of me, although it’s blurry:

I thought these were funny, so I decided to share them. I will put up more in the next few weeks.

This time around, I decided to hop into a FTL cruiser and see a couple of places in our local cluster of galaxies…

This is the nearby galaxy Centaurus A. The lovely bright display in the center is a supermassive black hole.

NGC 5307… it’s the beginning of planets around the star.

This is a young star ejecting matter. This could probably become planets, also.

Finally, swinging back into our own solar system, we fly by Jupiter. Always a favorite.

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
– Albert Einstein

These are the Eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts” sent forth by the Flying Spaghetti Monster unto Mosey the Pirate captain. They were ten stone tablets, but two were dropped on the way down from Mount Salsa. Read and Enjoy…

The Eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”

1. I’d really rather you didn’t act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really, I’m not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject.
2. I’d really rather you didn’t use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don’t require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.
3. I’d really rather you didn’t judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we’re talking about fashion and I’m sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
4. I’d really rather you didn’t indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age and mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is “go fuck yourself,” unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.
5. I’d really rather you didn’t challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bitches.
6. I’d really rather you didn’t build multi million-dollar synagogues / churches / temples / mosques / shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
   • Ending poverty
   • Curing diseases
   • Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable

   I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I am the creator.

7. I’d really rather you didn’t go around telling people I talk to you. You’re not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can’t you take a hint?
8. I’d really rather you didn’t do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/vaseline. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a condom! Honestly, it’s a piece of rubber. If I didn’t want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.

If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?